What You Wished You Knew Before Starting Therapy

    Buzzfeed posted an article a few months ago that pulled together the responses given by the community when asked what they wish they knew before starting therapy. It is likely that many of us held/hold some untrue or misleading beliefs about what therapy was actually going to be like before going. Those of us in the field may take it for granted that others know what to expect and may forget our own past confusion. As you may also be aware, media does not always have the best representations of what counseling is and is not, either. How are you to know what to expect or not be surprised when it does not look or feel like you were expecting?

I will discuss some of the feedback from the article here.

    You don't have to have significant trauma or a major diagnosis to go to counseling. That's right! You may have said to yourself, "I'm not having as much difficulty as others" or "It's not that bad" to justify not going to therapy. However, anyone and everyone can go to counseling. Your concerns may take only a few sessions and may not require in-depth counseling, but therapy can still benefit you. Some people go to counseling for personal wellness and to process our big decisions or life transitions. Therapy is for all.

    Therapy is work, it can be exhausting. If you are working on some tough emotions, trauma, or even interpersonal relationships, therapy will require work from you in and out of sessions. It may take a longer amount of time or more sessions than you initially expect. The counseling session will not be where the real work happens, it is in your day to day life. 

    You are not always aware of the progress. When it is happening and you are in the process of counseling, you will not always recognize the changes taking place. Something about the forest through the trees, as they say. Your family, friends, and even your therapist may point things out to you. You may not be aware of some of the changes until long after therapy has commenced. 

    Concerns will not go away completely, but therapy will help equip you to deal with them. I always tell my clients that expecting their concerns to simply disappear will only set them up for disappointment. If you expect to rid your life of them completely and they start to creep up in even the smallest amounts, you may find yourself giving up hope on things getting better. You may see this as a sign of hopelessness. If you consider shrinking the intensity, duration, and frequency of your concerns, however, you will be able to see progress more clearly and you can be prepared for when they do start to creep up in the future.

    Finding the therapist that is the right fit for you may take switching therapists several times and trying out different types of counseling. I recommend having free consults with a number of therapists before selecting one. Even if a friend or loved one recommends a therapist does not mean they will be the proper fit for you. Everyone is different and we all have our own unique style and approach to counseling that suits some individuals and not others. When you find a good fit, know that therapist may not always be the best fit. A therapeutic relationship may last only as long as it is beneficial. You may end up seeing several therapists over the course of your life that were exactly what you needed in each of those circumstances. Different methods work for different things - you may need multiple types of counseling in order to heal from your concerns.

    Therapists are people and have their own biases and experiences that may be brought into the room. While we are supposed to bracket our own "stuff" and focus solely on the client, this is not always possible. Therapists sometimes have bad days. That being said, if you believe your therapist is pushing you in a direction that they believe you should head versus what is best for you in your life, you may want to question this. Therapists may also share some personal anecdotes or experiences with you, however, the focus should be on you and not story telling by the therapist.

    It is normal to talk about small stuff before you go into the deep stuff. Some sessions you may just want or need to talk about your week or a recent experience. There may also be several sessions you need to establish the relationship and build trust before delving deeper. Keep in mind, though, the things you avoid bring up in therapy may be the ones that need the most attention.

    You may feel worse before you feel better. This is especially true if you are working to make changes in your life, your emotional regulation, and in your thinking. With more chronic issues that go back into your childhood may also bring up emotions you have not felt in some time. Basically not dealing with our "stuff" allows the wound to heal improperly. In order to heal, we need to reopen the wound and dig down to the infection. 

    It is more than just talking to someone. Vulnerability and expressing emotions not otherwise spoken is a healing process. It makes them real and validated. Only then can you begin to truly move through them to find a place where they are no longer in control. That being said, it can work even if you don't know why it works. I typically explain to my clients the techniques and interventions I am using, but often they happen organically without the need or ability to explain them. This is okay. Go with the process.

    The "answer" is not always what you think it will be. Sometimes we believe that a certain thing in our life is the "issue" or that we need to have something specific change in order to heal. However, sometimes those things are not actually the problem or the solution. Be open to explore other possibilities and willing to pivot to other goals, if necessary.

    Therapy is collaborative. It is okay to tell your therapist when something they say or do doesn't sit well with you. You are the expert on you. It is important for you to feel heard and understood. Speak up so that the therapist can get back on the track with you. Also be willing to consider something the therapist says, even if it does not initially feel like a fit. It is possible that some defenses may be blocking you from accepting what you do not see.

    Finally, the therapist doesn't give answers, tell you what to do, or "fix" things for you. Again, this is a collaborative process and you are the expert on you. It is not for us to dictate what choices you make or how you live your life.

    Hopefully some of this information has been helpful for you! Feel free to read the full article linked below:

 https://www.buzzfeed.com/victoriavouloumanos/people-whove-been-to-therapy-share-things-they-wish-they?utm_source=dynamic&utm_campaign=bfsharecopy