GentleWave

(Originally published here: https://www.counseling.org/news/aca-blogs/aca-member-blogs/aca-member-blogs/2019/07/25/will-masturbation-hurt-your-relationship?fbclid=IwAR1KGOnm7r51e4eM6a9DVnPBzt8JyH4vr0Zuy1LgPI9zY3DRyNwjZylvtcU) Double clicking the mouse, spanking the monkey, wanking, petting the kitty, choking the chicken, flicking the bean… whatever you may call it, there seems to be a level of embarrassment surrounding the topic of masturbation and discussing personal engagement in solo sexual activity. When clients are asked about their engagement in masturbation, there is often a response of discomfort or refusal to discuss the topic, even with clients who had previously been open and forthcoming with their sexual histories and behaviors. This level of discomfort and evasion to discuss masturbatory activity may be present in their romantic relationships as well. According to one study, 38 percent of women and 61 percent of men said they'd masturbated during the past year (Das,

Recently I listened to the following podcast ( https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/things-i-wish-my-therapist-would-say-to-me-but-never-does/id1454057950?i=1000436780353 ) in which the host, Jeff, discusses an article he read called "Things I Wish my Therapist Would Say to Me but She Never Does" by Linda Acus ( https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/things-i-wish-my-therapist-would-say-to-me-but-she-never-does ). While I agree with Jeff on many of these, I thought it might be interesting to respond to each of these based on my counseling style. So, here goes... "So here is what your problem is" As Jeff states on the podcast, there are many ways in which therapists do say this to clients, it is just worded very different. My job is to bring attention to the areas you may not see that are leading to difficulties, however, directly saying it in this way may lead to defensiveness or denial. It is better to work with the client to get to their own place of understandi

(Originally published here:  https://www.counseling.org/news/aca-blogs/aca-member-blogs/aca-member-blogs/2019/07/12/fighting-the-stigma-of-infertility) The CDC defines infertility as “not being able to get pregnant (conceive) after one year (or longer) of unprotected sex.” About 12% of those individuals trying to get pregnant have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. Despite this being a relatively common issue, historically, people have viewed infertility with shame and blame (mostly toward the individual with the uterus). In addition, not being able to have a baby “naturally” can lead to feelings of inadequacy and failure, as well as self-stigmatization. I am that 12%. Being given a diagnosis of infertility led to feelings of being “less than” those who were perceived as having an easy time getting pregnant. It led to feeling that I wasn’t a “real” woman. I felt shame and embarrassment, especially when others asked when my spouse and I were going to hav