Becky? Who? Me? (Blog from Therapy Den)


I am a therapist, and a white woman. I’ve always considered and thought of myself as against racism, and absolutely not a racist. I was secure in that, and therapists are supposed to have a handle on things like this, you know. We are supposed to be non-judgmental, we are supposed to be self-aware, and we are supposed to be accepting of all. 

However, about a year ago, after noticing an interesting Facebook post, I experienced a harsh dose of reality. 

The post was about a person’s recent encounter with a “Becky.” If you are white, you might say, “What’s a Becky?” I said the same thing, so I went to my usual source for definitions of what I suspected was slang – my kids. 

According to my daughter, a Becky is, “a white woman who has no idea she is a racist.” As we explored this topic, a commenter on the Facebook post dropped in a link to an article titled The 5 Types of ‘Becky’ by Michael Harriot.

With a fair amount of contempt, because of course I am not a racist so I cannot be a Becky, I proceeded to read Michael Harriot’s article. He states early on, “Not all white women are Beckys, but all Beckys are white women.” That’s right, Michael, thank you, I thought, because I am not a Becky.

Right here is when it got uncomfortable. I read the article. To my horror, I saw at least a little of myself in every damn Becky he wrote about. That couldn’t be right, so I went back to Michael’s line, “Not all white women are Beckys, but all Beckys are white women.” I have to say though, at that moment, it felt like that might not be true.

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